I’m asked this question by survivors of narcissistic abuse almost daily, and my heart goes out to those who continue to hang onto the hope that perhaps the narcissist they are involved with is “different” from the others. After all, we’ve invested so much of ourselves into the relationship… giving them unconditional love, support, and having tolerated bad behavior in an effort to give them a chance to change for the better.
See, the narcissist can speak words of love… they can make it “look” like love… and they sure as heck convinced us that what WE were feeling was the deepest, truest of love! (Check out my post “Narc Speak: Empty Words of Love” and see if any of those declarations of love sound familiar…)
But Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a very real DISORDER which leaves the person without a functioning personality, unable to emotionally bond or recognize other people as having their own real thoughts and feelings, and being so desperate to avoid their inner emptiness, they’re unable to see past their own needs.
Remember the example I gave you yesterday about how we have difficulty maintaining a state of happiness when we’re deep in sadness… and no matter what we do to cover that up, without actually healing the pain, the relief is only temporary? Well, the narcissist permanently lives in that state of misery and as such, their ONLY motivation to do or say anything is to get narcissistic supply. Not love or emotional connections… just supply.
I wrote a comprehensive post “Can Narcissists Love? Can They Love Their Children?” to make this easier to understand…
This is why it’s so important for you to begin healing your inner-injuries so you no longer depend on the narc (or other toxic people) to provide you with love, support, and acceptance. I’m here to help you get there.
I’ll see you tomorrow
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Group Coaching Session:
In this Free 14-Day Recovery Plan so far…
- #00: Your First Steps to Break Free from Narcissistic Abuse
- #01: You Are NOT Crazy. This Really Happened
- #02: Get Immediate Relief from the Pain
- #03: Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse
- #04: A Warning About Online Support Groups
- #05: Can the Narcissist Change for the Better?