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Recovery Day 4: A Warning About Online Support Groups

This experience is without a doubt, the most exhausting, confusing, and depressing roller coaster ride I’ve ever been on. I know I felt somewhat guilty for even thinking this… after all, there are people born with life-altering birth defects, suffering from life-threatening disease, or trying to overcome serious financial challenges; and here I am, whining about a breakup? (Also the reason why those who are not familiar with narcissistic abuse are confused at why you are unable to just “move on.”)

What I didn’t realize at the time was that breaking up with a narcissist is NOTHING like a breakup between two healthy people. I wasn’t even aware that I was being emotionally abused… let alone know that the ex who absolutely destroyed me during the discard was a NARCISSIST.

So imagine my relief when I found countless online support groups on Facebook for survivors of narcissistic abuse! Gosh, it was INSANE to see how similar our experiences were… and we were from all different backgrounds, spread across the globe! So as isolated and lonely you might be feeling right now… you are so not alone in this.

But the trick is to not get caught up in the online support group limbo…

A Word of Caution About Online Support Groups for Survivors of NPD abuse…

As I said earlier, I joined a handful of them soon after the ex-narc discarded me in October 2017, and let me tell you… receiving validation from and sharing information about NPD with other survivors who personally understood what the heck I’m going through was a GODSEND!

My family and friends were quickly growing frustrated with me because I couldn’t “see my worth” and just “move on”. But members of these groups knew EXACTLY what I was struggling with! I’ve made some wonderful new friends and formed strong sisterhoods through these groups, and I will forever be grateful to them!

However, beyond gaining some understanding of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and their HORRIBLE cycle of abuse… beyond receiving validation from other victims about the living nightmare we’ve been thrown into; I started to see that there were no REAL SOLUTIONS laid out to actually help recover from NPD abuse.

Due to the nature of the groups and the many new members joining on a daily basis, the discussions were “stuck” at:

“How could they move on with someone new like I never mattered?”
“S/he was my soulmate. I can’t believe it was all an illusion!”
“Why do they treat their new relationship better than they treated me?”
“Why do I miss her/him like this even after the abuse?”
“What’s your ex-narc’s zodiac sign?”
“Did your ex-narc have good hygiene habits?”

Many of us started asking, “Now what? How do we recover from this?”

Honestly, these support groups for survivors are absolute lifelines, initially; but the reality is that they do not offer the “next steps” to recovery. When you continue to focus on the abuser by participating in repetitive discussions, focusing on your horrendous story, and asking narc-centered questions like, “Here’s a photo of my narc, can you see it in his/her eyes?” and “What month was your narc born?” you are NOT getting any closer to recovering from the abuse… just marinating in the SAME PAIN.

So… Now What? Take a Step FORWARD!

Throughout the relationship, the narc was placed at the top of your priority… leaving you walking on eggshells and trying to do whatever possible so you don’t anger the narc, push them away even more, and hopefully get back that wonderful human you thought you were entering into the perfect relationship with.

But now that you’re armed with the important facts and a plan of action to break free, it’s your turn to be #1 priority like you’ve always deserved. This means you must shift your focus back to yourself. I know it will be difficult at first, because you’ve been conditioned to revolve your entire existence around the narc… but I show you the exact steps you need to take in the “Choose Yourself” guide that I’ve shared with you free…

If you haven’t yet, please take a minute to download your 2 guides: “Choose Yourself” and “No Contact – No Excuses”… as well as grab your free access to my group coaching session.

You fought and lived through what could possibly be the most painful relationship breakup… and survived! You’re doing great so far and things will keep getting better, I promise.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

xoxo

Life Strategist
Advocate for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse
“Choose You!” PodcastFacebook | Instagram

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In this Free 14-Day Recovery Plan so far…

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