Recovery Day 9: How to Make Real Progress With Your Recovery

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most confusing and painful experiences to navigate through and recover from… there is nothing “normal” about what you were up against, that dealing with this in the same way you’d deal with other life challenges will not only slow down your progress… but jeopardize your recovery.

So here are two things you can do to help take solid steps forward in your recovery…

1: Do not disregard or push past the pain

I’ve been told by so many well-meaning people to “grin and bear it” and “just get over it and move on”… because this is how many of us deal with the majority of the challenges we face in our lives. However, those who have not personally experienced narcissistic abuse are unable to understand how almost impossible it is to “just get over and move on” from this horrible experience.

The mental, emotional, and psychological abuse survivors have endured causes changes in the brain… the manipulation, triangulation, trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance… leaves the logical part of your brain “numbed out” to protect it from shock… so you’re pretty much functioning only with your emotions. This is when your head knows what’s best for your well being… but your heart disagrees. And after being psychologically attacked, you’re at the mercy of your emotions… which at this point and time, will not lead you to safety and peace.

If you have been ignoring the pain because you’ve been lead to believe that it’ll eventually go away on its own… you are likely feeling exhausted… depleted… and just barely hanging right now…

The reason why? Ignoring the pain of narcissistic abuse is like having consumed disease contaminated water and simply waiting for it to pass through your system. The damaging stuff will travel through your body and affect your organs! You can’t just let it do its thing… the infections will only get worse! You need to wipe out the disease, flush out your body, and then maintain it with clean, delicious water!

The one solid path out of this is to go all in and face the pain. Your heart, mind, body, and spirit have been contaminated so it’s important that you identify the trauma and wipe it out altogether… otherwise they’ll just sit there, festering and growing.

Trying to strictly think and take action out of this will likely not take you very far… because until you heal the internal injuries, your logical part of the brain will remain hazy. When we get in there and meet the pain head-on… and nurture it with love, acceptance, forgiveness, and attention… you will find that healing will take place more efficiently.

Your needs may have been brushed off all this time, but no more. At least not with me on your side! The narc can go kick a wall… it’s time to put yourself back on that pedestal so you can love yourself back to whole!

2: Stop Identifying Yourself as a Victim

Obviously, it’s totally natural to feel this way in the beginning… before you start the self-healing work.

You’ve been abused… mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and possibly physically. Someone who is nothing like they appeared at first, mushed up your brain and emotions until you were left with virtually nothing of your former self. You’ve been violated and robbed of your right to a life without abuse.

And now, it’s time for you to kick the narcissist to irrelevance and focus on taking your life back.

You have been injured… not permanently damaged. You have the power and the right to YOUR life… not a prisoner to an abuser.

“S/he did this to me! I want them to pay! I want to see them suffer!”… if you’re thinking and feeling these things, it’s only natural. When you’ve been violated and hurt, of course you’ll want retribution!

Believe me, I thought this too. But then I could not ignore the FACT that narcissists are not normal, emotionally empathetic and compassionate beings… they’re “need-based” creatures. As long as they have sources to extract narcissistic supply from (intimate partners, parents, siblings, children, pets, activities, religion, work, hobbies, etc.), they’re “happy”… so where does that leave me? If I was determined to stick with that way of thinking, I’d be stuck in limbo… and totally focused on the narc.

I promise you, no matter how happy they appear to be… regardless of how high they wave their great new life… they will forever be trapped in their miserable emptiness. In between those photos and updates… moments after you walk past the narc with his or her new soul mate at the store… they’re back in their void until their egos are fed again.

And honestly, please take your focus off of the new victim too… they’ll flash their smiles and praises for the narc… but keep in mind how hard you fought to maintain that appearance in hopes that if you went along with it long enough, it has to become real someday. This new victim is simply at the beginning of the cycle of abuse… where you were once too. And the cycle will always repeat. Narcissists are constantly in need of supply… that will never, ever change.

What CAN change is your focus… which is why you must shift your focus to yourself and your inner healing.

Look within and identify the traumas the narcissist pointed out… your fears and insecurities… feeling unlovable, abandoned, rejected, unsafe…

Know that when you’re feeling like a victim… your true self is giving you a signal that you are still giving the narc power over you. You are making them the source of love, affection, attention, acceptance, security… all that you want in your life.

When you take that power away… when you partner with yourself and build yourself up to where you are confident that YOU are the source of all those beautiful things, the narcissist will no longer be relevant in your life.

Keep your eyes fixed to yourself… you deserve the love, attention, and care!!! Continue to work on your self-healing and strengthening. And you know what? You will find that you are drawing in more people who will love and appreciate you as much as you love and appreciate yourself!

I’ll see you tomorrow


Life Strategist
Advocate for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse
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