How can we truly know what we want when, as children, we were conditioned to abandon ourselves and focus on others? As adults, this conditioning leaves us with a fragile sense of self, finding security in serving others - often seeking the approval of those who mirror our emotionally absent caregivers. We believe that our worth is tied to how useful we are to those around us, and as a result, we repress our own needs, prioritizing everyone else’s instead. When we try to care for ourselves, guilt creeps in, convincing us that our time and energy are better spent on those who we think truly matter.

Adult children of narcissistic parents and survivors of narcissistic abuse often struggle with profound self-doubt, questioning our thoughts, memories, and even reality. Rather than seeing ourselves clearly, we view life through distorted lenses shaped by those who groomed us to serve their needs - leaving us trapped in cycles of self-sabotage. Manipulation tactics like gaslighting, invalidation, guilt-tripping, and triangulation have left us confused, lacking confidence, and dependent on external approval. We may find ourselves drawn to people who subconsciously remind us of our childhood caregivers and emotionally unavailable partners, hoping to finally receive the love and acceptance that were withheld from us.