It is IMPOSSIBLE for someone to feel genuine love, adoration, affection, and deep bond with one person… then INSTANTLY feel those same exact things for someone else instead.
The “love” a narcissist feels for someone - ANYONE - is totally and completely superficial. Totally surface-level stuff. Because they are unable to form deep bonds, they are constantly chasing after good feelings. So if they find someplace more convenient and with less hassle, that’s where they’ll get their good feelings from. That’s all there is to it.
In simplest terms… all that’s happened is they’ve cycled back to the idealization stage with the new victim. They’re doing what they ALWAYS do… cycle.
The narcissist IS happy when they are in the idealization stage of the relationship. Not because this next person is better than you are… it’s not even about the new victim at all. It’s because the narcissist is over-the-moon excited about all the ego-fuel they hope to suck out from their new victim…
They don’t “love” the new person more or less than they did you… because they don't love like we do. Their “love” is strictly based on how much and how easily they are able to extract supply.
So here’s an example of “Narc Speak” about the new relationship that you might witness after your discard:
- How did I get so lucky to get someone like him/her?
- Translation: My new source of supply accepts my behavior with little questioning or resistance!
- I’ve never been this happy before!
- Translation: I require constant validation that I am “somebody”… and at THIS very moment, I’m sucking up loads of ego-fuel, so I feel happier than I did just a few moments ago!
- I’ve never been so in love before!
- Translation: Because I am unable to bond and I totally lack emotional memory, I’m unable to recall the things I “loved” about my previous victims!
Honestly, it’s all shallow mumbo-jumbo that means absolutely nothing regardless of how it “appears.” This is why going NO CONTACT is required to begin your real and complete healing from this mess!
Narcissists NEED the attention and energy to TEMPORARILY give them relief from the emptiness inside them. Remember, narcissists lack a stable sense of self… that means they lack their own identity or the ability to establish and maintain their self-worth and esteem… requiring them to CONSTANTLY turn outward to validate their existence.
They don't care about deep, meaningful connections because they're busy chasing temporary feelings that make them feel good for THAT MOMENT.
So… WHO the new person is doesn’t matter nearly as much as what they can get from this person - right now. They will do and say whatever it takes to extract approval, adulation, appreciation, admiration, and status… from both the new source and the people around them. Gifts, trips, events, and everything else the new target is showered with is STRICTLY to extract validation for their own self-esteem and worth.
The emptier the narc feels, the bigger the parade.
So if they’re waving the new victim all over the place, it’s not only to extract supply from the victim and those around them… but also to get a rise out of YOU. Because your good/bad reaction validates their value. Also, keep in mind that the narcissist could very well be in “damage control” mode… trying to appear like s/he can have a good relationship with the “right person” to make YOU look like you’re the bad guy. It won’t last though… and the first one to feel the sting will always be the current victim.
Remember, you were once the focus of narcissistic idealization too… that’s what you’re witnessing and “missing” when you see it. Not the REALITY of the cycle of abuse. And this is why NO CONTACT (or gray rock) is required to heal. The new victim is currently where YOU started out in the relationship, and unless s/he 1) spots the toxicity and escape or 2) the narcissist drops dead… the new victim will eventually end up where you are RIGHT NOW.