I wouldn’t. They’re already so deep into idealization; they won’t believe a word you say. I didn’t want to know who the new person was – and the amazing people around me continue to make certain my request is respected. However, some of my friends quickly discovered who she was and reached out. She apparently replied, “I had no idea! Thank you for the warning!”… and proceeded with the relationship.
They don’t want to believe you… remember the “dream come true” you were living at the beginning of your relationship? Would you have believed some stranger who reached out to warn you about the most amazing human you’ve ever met? Narcs are NOTORIOUS for telling new victims that their ex is “crazy”, “jealous”, “delusional”… or “I fell crazy in love with you and knew YOU were the ONE, so I HAD TO leave them.”
During the relationship, I confided in my friends (some who are relationship experts and marriage counselors) about the “red flags” I was beginning to notice, and the UNANIMOUS advice was – “run the other way NOW”. When I told the narc, he responded, “Of course! They don’t GET what we have, baby. They’re jealous!” I was desperate for him to prove them wrong. He never did, but I hung on with my life.
If you MUST get this out of your system… simply let them know that when they need answers and support, they can search “narcissistic cycle of abuse”… then BLOCK all communication from them.